so apparently this is what it’s like growing up & becoming an adult… well i hate it.
slowly starting to realize i’m not in this alone. #thankful #DEEPlatenighttalks
scared to get out of bed. #oneofthosedays #random
trying to find myself. wanting to try to find myself. but no effort made. with all the stress of exams, school, bullshit, and life, i have come to a dead end. it’s sad to say this, but i have lost faith in life, in general and in my own, and my purpose.
a few weeks ago, a certain situation somehow lead me to a dark, sad place. i started questioning the point in life and didn’t understand it. and i still don’t. what’s the point of living, caring, feeling. and from that i’m not sure about what MY purpose is and what my future goals (if you can even consider it that now) are.
as i’m studying for my core class & getting lectured/bitched at from advisors & getting questioned of what is my true passion from friends, i truly don’t know if this is the path for me anymore. here i am in LA getting another degree and actually having to pay for it this time, and i don’t even know if this is what i want to do!
i feel pressured to just suck it up, complete my degree, & do something public health-related. in a way it’s safe & practical. but then i go on and dream about art, music, media, etcetc. and i start yearning it; wishing that i could have pursued that instead.
and if i am keeping this in mind, i don’t even know where to start.
people always say it’s never too late. i say it to others too. but i have to think about my family. it feels selfish to not find a job after this degree and make $$ for them. they need me, they really do.
anyway, a post because i’m procrastinating.
why doesn’t starbucks have marble pound cake anymore ?? i’m always craving it whenever i’m here. regardless, i ordered a raspberry swirl cake & totes finished it in a minute. still craving something chocolate-y.
